So my lab and I had a meeting to discuss future plans a while back. Some will be staying at UAB for a while, some will be spinning off their own company, I was stuck. The lab as we currently know it is changing in the fall, but I am still a year away from my PhD. That severely limits my mobility and while I would love to stick with UAB through the end of my degree, it was beginning to look like that would not be an option. Our lab is fully funded through the end of September, but after that, no one is quite sure what will happen, but it does not look promising.
At the meeting a lifeline was offered to any who wanted it, and to everyone's surprise, I was the only one that bit. I volunteered to move to Tennessee. Seems we are starting a new lab at Tennessee Tech and while my role is not spelled out, I will pretty much be the head honcho there. It is really a great opportunity and we always knew we would probably be moving after my graduation anyway so this just moves it up a couple of years. I will be able to continue taking classes at Tennessee Tech, transfer the credit down to UAB and then finish up my dissertation research remotely and finish off the PhD.
The family will move up with me, though we are not sure if we want to live in Nashville or Knoxville. We have scheduled a weekend getaway to both cities to see which one we like more. Early money is on Nashville but that could change depending on how we like both cities.
Sunday, April 28, 2013
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Up From the Ashes..
We are working on a military training project at work dealing with the training of Army Combat Medics. It is really interesting stuff, and more importantly for me, it was beginning to appear that this could actually be my research project for my PhD. Corey had even started to push me more into the administrative role in the project...things like pushing IRB approval through, monitoring the test results, that sort of thing.
The more I started looking into the project however, the more I began to realize it was not the best option. First, there is not a "control" group for the research, so we can not prove our training was particularly effective. Second, we have no way of communicating with the medics after they leave the lab to see if the training was helpful in any way. And finally, we had planned for 100 participants, and will end up with only 15-18, so we will not have any way of producing statistically relevant output. That means the wonderful papers we were supposed to write are instead going to be glorified white papers. So we will be able to explain what we did, and what we saw, but not enough to get me a PhD.
Anyway I discussed all of this with Corey this morning and over the course of the morning and afternoon we settled on a plan of action. Originally we were going to do a rather simple research project showing the effectiveness of Mixed Reality training simulations. Take 200-300 people, break them into a control group and a "Augmented training" group. The augmented group would have access to a VR training simulator that also stressed the participant. The goal of the experiment would be to have them come in a few days after training and seeing how they did and proving the Augmented training works.
I had a problem with this scenario though. Our main thrust of the research was that the stressors help improve learning aptitude and that would be lost in the VR training discussion. So, after trading ideas we changed our plan. We really have no doubt that training with VR improves your ability to learn. We are all about immersive training so we better feel that way. So in our newly revised plan, group A will get a "Field of Daises" VR simulation, group B will get a "total chaos" VR simulation. After a few days, we will test and see if our thought is correct - does learning under outside stress improve your ability to learn.
Should provide me with plenty of research material, it is meaningful for what we are doing, and actually is "doable". So here we go - Up From the Ashes, .Grow the Roses of Success
The more I started looking into the project however, the more I began to realize it was not the best option. First, there is not a "control" group for the research, so we can not prove our training was particularly effective. Second, we have no way of communicating with the medics after they leave the lab to see if the training was helpful in any way. And finally, we had planned for 100 participants, and will end up with only 15-18, so we will not have any way of producing statistically relevant output. That means the wonderful papers we were supposed to write are instead going to be glorified white papers. So we will be able to explain what we did, and what we saw, but not enough to get me a PhD.
Anyway I discussed all of this with Corey this morning and over the course of the morning and afternoon we settled on a plan of action. Originally we were going to do a rather simple research project showing the effectiveness of Mixed Reality training simulations. Take 200-300 people, break them into a control group and a "Augmented training" group. The augmented group would have access to a VR training simulator that also stressed the participant. The goal of the experiment would be to have them come in a few days after training and seeing how they did and proving the Augmented training works.
I had a problem with this scenario though. Our main thrust of the research was that the stressors help improve learning aptitude and that would be lost in the VR training discussion. So, after trading ideas we changed our plan. We really have no doubt that training with VR improves your ability to learn. We are all about immersive training so we better feel that way. So in our newly revised plan, group A will get a "Field of Daises" VR simulation, group B will get a "total chaos" VR simulation. After a few days, we will test and see if our thought is correct - does learning under outside stress improve your ability to learn.
Should provide me with plenty of research material, it is meaningful for what we are doing, and actually is "doable". So here we go - Up From the Ashes, .Grow the Roses of Success
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
That is just crazy talk
I really enjoy the show 'Castle'. I have always enjoyed Nathan Fillion as an actor dating back to his run as Caleb on 'Buffy the Vampire Slayer'. That show deserves its own post but that will have to come later. For now we are talking about Castle.
The premise of Castle is pretty far fetched but it is lighthearted and a good diversion on a Monday night so it is tolerated. For those of you who do not watch the show Rick Castle (Fillion) is a mystery writer who, in the pilot, is suspected of murder because the crimes are very similar to his books. He helps the lead detective (Kate Beckett) solve the crime and then, in a twist everyone saw coming, strikes a deal with his buddy the mayor to get unlimited "ride along" privileges with the detectives. By applying his own logic to the crimes he is able to go from civilian nuisance to valued team member - all by solving the crimes the way he would write them given a chance.
So, I am up tonight watching a repeat of Castle when a conversation I had with Paula comes to mind. She seemed to think that I should write a book. I had a 10-15 laugh about that one. Lets be honest, any book I write would be a jumbled mess of nonsense. I have a head for trivia, and I am working on my degree..but that still has never stopped my brain from being a confused mess of random ideas.
But like every insidious idea that has ever been planted in my skull, this one, shuttled off to one side, has found some ground and threatens to grow into a crazy tree. I guess this means in addition to all of the other fun things I plan on doing with my time, I need to start figuring out what kind of book I want to write and mapping that out. While I trust my ability to write and I have a decent imagination, I would be lying if I said the thought of trying to write something did not scare me.
Here are the possible genres and my initial thoughts
Mystery
Pro: Lots of true crime to use as inspiration, make a good repeat character and you can do a series
Con: Have to come up with something no one has seen before or else you are derivative
Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Pro: My personal favorite, I work in an area that could easily be considered Sci-Fi already
Con: Most fantasy is extremely derivative, have to come up with new Science AND a compelling story
Horror
Pro: Another favorite of mine
Con: I just don't think in the macabre mindset. Horror has really moved to the gory for gory sake in the last 10 years
Non-Fiction
Pro: Plenty of true life to talk about, both now and in history
Con: Lots of research and for most things all you can hope for is a rehash of someone elses story
The premise of Castle is pretty far fetched but it is lighthearted and a good diversion on a Monday night so it is tolerated. For those of you who do not watch the show Rick Castle (Fillion) is a mystery writer who, in the pilot, is suspected of murder because the crimes are very similar to his books. He helps the lead detective (Kate Beckett) solve the crime and then, in a twist everyone saw coming, strikes a deal with his buddy the mayor to get unlimited "ride along" privileges with the detectives. By applying his own logic to the crimes he is able to go from civilian nuisance to valued team member - all by solving the crimes the way he would write them given a chance.
So, I am up tonight watching a repeat of Castle when a conversation I had with Paula comes to mind. She seemed to think that I should write a book. I had a 10-15 laugh about that one. Lets be honest, any book I write would be a jumbled mess of nonsense. I have a head for trivia, and I am working on my degree..but that still has never stopped my brain from being a confused mess of random ideas.
But like every insidious idea that has ever been planted in my skull, this one, shuttled off to one side, has found some ground and threatens to grow into a crazy tree. I guess this means in addition to all of the other fun things I plan on doing with my time, I need to start figuring out what kind of book I want to write and mapping that out. While I trust my ability to write and I have a decent imagination, I would be lying if I said the thought of trying to write something did not scare me.
Here are the possible genres and my initial thoughts
Mystery
Pro: Lots of true crime to use as inspiration, make a good repeat character and you can do a series
Con: Have to come up with something no one has seen before or else you are derivative
Sci-Fi/Fantasy
Pro: My personal favorite, I work in an area that could easily be considered Sci-Fi already
Con: Most fantasy is extremely derivative, have to come up with new Science AND a compelling story
Horror
Pro: Another favorite of mine
Con: I just don't think in the macabre mindset. Horror has really moved to the gory for gory sake in the last 10 years
Non-Fiction
Pro: Plenty of true life to talk about, both now and in history
Con: Lots of research and for most things all you can hope for is a rehash of someone elses story
Monday, April 1, 2013
Under the Knife
A few weeks ago (around March 14th or so) I woke up with a sore left shoulder. Not a big deal, figured I slept on it wrong and put some Icy Hot on it and off I went. Cut forward a few days and the shoulder still hurts. No biggie, just more of a pull then I thought. Finally cut to Tuesday the 19th. Went to drop Xander off at my parents house for Spring Break and my mom gets a little worried because the pain has dropped down from my shoulder into my upper arm and elbow. She seemed to think it could be something wrong with my heart and recommended seeing my doctor. Once again I shrugged it off. Paula wanted to take me to the ER but I told her all they would do is give me some pain medication and send me to my regular doctor. Yes I am good at ignoring all the warning signs, but I was also convinced it was just a really bad muscle pull.
Anyway I made a deal with Paula that if the shoulder was not better on Wednesday evening we could go to the doc-in-the-box at the bottom of our street and let them take a look at me. For the most part they ARE my regular doctor and I would rather pay them then an ER. I woke up Wednesday and yep, still sore so told Paula we would go after work. During work more symptoms popped up - numbness in the arm, pain in the elbow and wrist - so that now I was getting a little worried. We stopped at the doc and they had this little sign "Please tell us if you are experiencing chest pains, numbness in the arm or shoulder etc..." basically if you might die let us know so we can see you first. Paula made sure we told them. They brought me back and after running a few cursory tests...they sent me to the ER.
Since I work at UAB we can go to their emergency room much cheaper than at any other hospital in the area so off we went. We skipped dinner (big mistake as you will see), neither of us was hungry because of worry. Anyway we get to UAB's ER and check in about 7. We go through all the check in procedures, and are back in an exam room about 9:30. They run a few more tests, tell me they want chest X-Rays, an EKG and an MRI before moving forward. I turned to Paula and said "we should have eaten".
X-Rays
The X-Rays were basic enough, lots of film of my chest, arm, shoulder, neck, you name it. The only downside of the X-Rays were they guaranteed we would be there until at least midnight because there was a nice sign in the exam room clearly stating if you had to have X-Rays taken there was a 2 hour process involved in reading them.
EKG
I guess my biggest surprise of the tests was the EKG. I assumed they would wire you up and leave you that way for a while to check you out over a period of time. I mean how can they figure out an irregular heart beat unless they test for a while. But no. The test lasts 10 seconds - it took longer to wire me up. The nurse came in, hooked up the 5-10 wires necessary and counted to 10 then started disconnecting everything. Strangest thing I had ever been involved with.
MRI
This is the one I had been dreading. I am not a small person and unless it was an "Open MRI" I just was not sure how I would fit in the darn thing. Well apparently they had just expanded the width of the machine to fit in us larger individuals so I made out o.k. Of course the second problem with these tests is you are not allowed to move...which means as soon as they say that you start getting itches everywhere. The MRI tended to focus on my neck more than my chest so I was at least hopeful that this meant my heart tests went O.K. but it also meant another 2 hour wait for radiology to read them.
Side Note: Yes I do intend to try and get a copy of my MRI's so I can import them into our 3-D system. I am weird that way...plus I think that will be fun.
Final Verdict
Finally after all the tests and as 3-4 AM was fast approaching the doctor came in. The problem I was having was a bulging disk between my C6 and C7 vertebra pressing on my spinal column and particularly a nerve going down my arm to my elbow and wrist. The rest of the bad news was that since I had strength loss in the hand and was having some other issues with the arm both he, and the head of the department, were recommending surgery rather than just outpatient physical therapy. When two doctors tell you that you need surgery you go ahead and do it, so they went ahead and admitted me and scheduled the surgery for Thursday afternoon. This meant no food for me until after surgery so no chance to even get a snack or some breakfast. In addition, the hospital was full so I could not even get to a real room until after surgery. So Paula and I shared a gurney in the ER until about 8 when they moved us to another area of the ER. My family arrived some time around 11 or so and about 1 they moved me up to Pre-Op to check over everything.
The Surgery
The surgery was supposed to last about 3 hours - of which an hour was supposed to be prep and cleanup. The procedure is pretty straight forward, they remove the disk that is inflamed, cleaning out all the little bits and pieces, then they add some bone (sometimes from a graft, mine was actually from a cadaver) and a plate to help fuse the two vertebra together. I would lose some movement in my neck but the pros outweighed the cons. Interesting thing is that they go through the front of your neck rather than the back to avoid infections, but this leads to other issues. Namely the esophagus and having to ..well go through your whole neck to get to the problem. Apparently my surgery took 4 hours - by this time I had lost all sense of time so you could have told me it took 24 hours and I would not have been able to contradict you. The reason for the longer than expected surgery ties back to my size. The doctor apparently came out after 3 hours to reassure the family that everything was ok and it was not being delayed because of complications. His explanation was that my neck bones were bigger than most peoples backbones so the problem was just pure surface area.
Surgery finished and I spent most of the rest of Thursday and Friday morning in pain. I could not move without hurting and I definitely could not swallow. In fact it wasn't until Saturday or Sunday that I could eat more than broth. I am sure I lost a few pounds but not a diet plan I would recommend.
Recovery
The typical recovery time for the surgery is apparently 2 weeks home in bed and then after 4 weeks you start physical therapy. I doubt I will make it all two weeks - I am going stir crazy just sitting around the house. I am not as strong as I usually am and I still have some problems - swallowing is still a bit sore and for some reason my sciatica has been acting up almost like it is mad I took care of the other end of the spinal column rather than clearing HIS issues up. Add to that the fact that I am missing class in addition to work and you can say I am a little pecking to get back to work. I will probably take Monday and Tuesday off this week to make sure everything is good to go, then start back Wednesday. It is only 3 days early from the 2 week mandate and I don't think the doctor will have TOO big of a problem with it.
Anyway I made a deal with Paula that if the shoulder was not better on Wednesday evening we could go to the doc-in-the-box at the bottom of our street and let them take a look at me. For the most part they ARE my regular doctor and I would rather pay them then an ER. I woke up Wednesday and yep, still sore so told Paula we would go after work. During work more symptoms popped up - numbness in the arm, pain in the elbow and wrist - so that now I was getting a little worried. We stopped at the doc and they had this little sign "Please tell us if you are experiencing chest pains, numbness in the arm or shoulder etc..." basically if you might die let us know so we can see you first. Paula made sure we told them. They brought me back and after running a few cursory tests...they sent me to the ER.
Since I work at UAB we can go to their emergency room much cheaper than at any other hospital in the area so off we went. We skipped dinner (big mistake as you will see), neither of us was hungry because of worry. Anyway we get to UAB's ER and check in about 7. We go through all the check in procedures, and are back in an exam room about 9:30. They run a few more tests, tell me they want chest X-Rays, an EKG and an MRI before moving forward. I turned to Paula and said "we should have eaten".
X-Rays
The X-Rays were basic enough, lots of film of my chest, arm, shoulder, neck, you name it. The only downside of the X-Rays were they guaranteed we would be there until at least midnight because there was a nice sign in the exam room clearly stating if you had to have X-Rays taken there was a 2 hour process involved in reading them.
EKG
I guess my biggest surprise of the tests was the EKG. I assumed they would wire you up and leave you that way for a while to check you out over a period of time. I mean how can they figure out an irregular heart beat unless they test for a while. But no. The test lasts 10 seconds - it took longer to wire me up. The nurse came in, hooked up the 5-10 wires necessary and counted to 10 then started disconnecting everything. Strangest thing I had ever been involved with.
MRI
This is the one I had been dreading. I am not a small person and unless it was an "Open MRI" I just was not sure how I would fit in the darn thing. Well apparently they had just expanded the width of the machine to fit in us larger individuals so I made out o.k. Of course the second problem with these tests is you are not allowed to move...which means as soon as they say that you start getting itches everywhere. The MRI tended to focus on my neck more than my chest so I was at least hopeful that this meant my heart tests went O.K. but it also meant another 2 hour wait for radiology to read them.
Side Note: Yes I do intend to try and get a copy of my MRI's so I can import them into our 3-D system. I am weird that way...plus I think that will be fun.
Final Verdict
Finally after all the tests and as 3-4 AM was fast approaching the doctor came in. The problem I was having was a bulging disk between my C6 and C7 vertebra pressing on my spinal column and particularly a nerve going down my arm to my elbow and wrist. The rest of the bad news was that since I had strength loss in the hand and was having some other issues with the arm both he, and the head of the department, were recommending surgery rather than just outpatient physical therapy. When two doctors tell you that you need surgery you go ahead and do it, so they went ahead and admitted me and scheduled the surgery for Thursday afternoon. This meant no food for me until after surgery so no chance to even get a snack or some breakfast. In addition, the hospital was full so I could not even get to a real room until after surgery. So Paula and I shared a gurney in the ER until about 8 when they moved us to another area of the ER. My family arrived some time around 11 or so and about 1 they moved me up to Pre-Op to check over everything.
The Surgery
The surgery was supposed to last about 3 hours - of which an hour was supposed to be prep and cleanup. The procedure is pretty straight forward, they remove the disk that is inflamed, cleaning out all the little bits and pieces, then they add some bone (sometimes from a graft, mine was actually from a cadaver) and a plate to help fuse the two vertebra together. I would lose some movement in my neck but the pros outweighed the cons. Interesting thing is that they go through the front of your neck rather than the back to avoid infections, but this leads to other issues. Namely the esophagus and having to ..well go through your whole neck to get to the problem. Apparently my surgery took 4 hours - by this time I had lost all sense of time so you could have told me it took 24 hours and I would not have been able to contradict you. The reason for the longer than expected surgery ties back to my size. The doctor apparently came out after 3 hours to reassure the family that everything was ok and it was not being delayed because of complications. His explanation was that my neck bones were bigger than most peoples backbones so the problem was just pure surface area.
Surgery finished and I spent most of the rest of Thursday and Friday morning in pain. I could not move without hurting and I definitely could not swallow. In fact it wasn't until Saturday or Sunday that I could eat more than broth. I am sure I lost a few pounds but not a diet plan I would recommend.
Recovery
The typical recovery time for the surgery is apparently 2 weeks home in bed and then after 4 weeks you start physical therapy. I doubt I will make it all two weeks - I am going stir crazy just sitting around the house. I am not as strong as I usually am and I still have some problems - swallowing is still a bit sore and for some reason my sciatica has been acting up almost like it is mad I took care of the other end of the spinal column rather than clearing HIS issues up. Add to that the fact that I am missing class in addition to work and you can say I am a little pecking to get back to work. I will probably take Monday and Tuesday off this week to make sure everything is good to go, then start back Wednesday. It is only 3 days early from the 2 week mandate and I don't think the doctor will have TOO big of a problem with it.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Where the heck have YOU been?
Lots to talk about since my last entry.
Needless to say, once again I have fallen off the wagon as far as posting goes. I just can't seem to will myself to post on any set of schedule other than "when I feel like it". That is not the intent of this thing and does not bode well for my future. Not sure what is better - lots of little posts or a few REALLY big ones like the one this one promises to be. My guess is the former, but since we are stuck with the latter lets just move on shall we?
School
Let's see the oldest news is I dropped my first class. I was having absolutely no luck with understanding my Shape Design class and so I decided to just drop it and take it again later. I do not know if it was a problem with me, the professor, a little bit of both or what but it might as well have been taught in Russian for all I was comprehending. I should probably explain the problem I had with the class.
The first problem I had with the class was that it was basically a "theory" class. This is not usually a problem if the teacher can help you with some visualizations of what the theory is working to express. As a child, when you first study math it is basically a "theory" class, but the teachers all work very hard to show practical issues (hello word problems and Johnny having 10 apples). These issues help you visualize the theory and you can grow from there. The more...esoteric the math, the harder it is to get these practical examples..but by then you have a firmer understanding of what is being taught and the lack of an example, while missed, is not a deal breaker. In this class we hit the ground running and spent no time with the basics and even with pictures of what the curves we were building, I just could not see how we got from one to the other.
The second problems was that Dr. Johnstone assumed a basic level of competence and I was not there, so while everyone else was learning, I was scrambling to get the basics under control, and the whole thing snowballed from there. This is not an uncommon problem - it has been 20 years since I took computer courses and things have really changed a lot in that time period. Usually I can buckle down and work through it but this time I just did not sense me getting any closer to the rest of the class as far as understanding.
I probably could have stayed in the class and passed. It is not so big secret that teachers do not tend to fail graduate students. They will scale tests and work with you so that you end up with at least a C, and probably a B. But I had the conceit that I actually wanted to learn this stuff, not just get a grade saying I knew it so I thought it would be better to drop, study up and take it again the next time Dr. Johnstone offered it. Hopefully by then I can be better situated.
Future Semesters
Registration for Summer and Spring terms opens up tomorrow so I have been looking through the course offerings. I found a course in Parallel computing being offered by the CS department this summer that Corey thinks will be a very "useful" course for me to have. He also says it will probably be a heavy "theory" class and I have better be ready cause it could be ugly.
This fall my schedule is set as well. Dr. Sloan is offering a course in 3-D shapes and printing that I will be signing up for, I really like Dr. Sloan's classes - especially if we can keep them under 10 people enrolled so he is not so gruff. My other class will be an Engineering Math class being taught by Dr. Littlefield. That course is a requirement of the PhD. so I don't really have much of a choice except to sign up for it. I also know that these are only offered every other year so no dropping out of either of them if I want to get done with my coursework anytime soon.
I think I will do a separate post for work and personal things that have happened in the last couple of months. This post is already getting to be too long for a blog anyway.
Needless to say, once again I have fallen off the wagon as far as posting goes. I just can't seem to will myself to post on any set of schedule other than "when I feel like it". That is not the intent of this thing and does not bode well for my future. Not sure what is better - lots of little posts or a few REALLY big ones like the one this one promises to be. My guess is the former, but since we are stuck with the latter lets just move on shall we?
School
Let's see the oldest news is I dropped my first class. I was having absolutely no luck with understanding my Shape Design class and so I decided to just drop it and take it again later. I do not know if it was a problem with me, the professor, a little bit of both or what but it might as well have been taught in Russian for all I was comprehending. I should probably explain the problem I had with the class.
The first problem I had with the class was that it was basically a "theory" class. This is not usually a problem if the teacher can help you with some visualizations of what the theory is working to express. As a child, when you first study math it is basically a "theory" class, but the teachers all work very hard to show practical issues (hello word problems and Johnny having 10 apples). These issues help you visualize the theory and you can grow from there. The more...esoteric the math, the harder it is to get these practical examples..but by then you have a firmer understanding of what is being taught and the lack of an example, while missed, is not a deal breaker. In this class we hit the ground running and spent no time with the basics and even with pictures of what the curves we were building, I just could not see how we got from one to the other.
The second problems was that Dr. Johnstone assumed a basic level of competence and I was not there, so while everyone else was learning, I was scrambling to get the basics under control, and the whole thing snowballed from there. This is not an uncommon problem - it has been 20 years since I took computer courses and things have really changed a lot in that time period. Usually I can buckle down and work through it but this time I just did not sense me getting any closer to the rest of the class as far as understanding.
I probably could have stayed in the class and passed. It is not so big secret that teachers do not tend to fail graduate students. They will scale tests and work with you so that you end up with at least a C, and probably a B. But I had the conceit that I actually wanted to learn this stuff, not just get a grade saying I knew it so I thought it would be better to drop, study up and take it again the next time Dr. Johnstone offered it. Hopefully by then I can be better situated.
Future Semesters
Registration for Summer and Spring terms opens up tomorrow so I have been looking through the course offerings. I found a course in Parallel computing being offered by the CS department this summer that Corey thinks will be a very "useful" course for me to have. He also says it will probably be a heavy "theory" class and I have better be ready cause it could be ugly.
This fall my schedule is set as well. Dr. Sloan is offering a course in 3-D shapes and printing that I will be signing up for, I really like Dr. Sloan's classes - especially if we can keep them under 10 people enrolled so he is not so gruff. My other class will be an Engineering Math class being taught by Dr. Littlefield. That course is a requirement of the PhD. so I don't really have much of a choice except to sign up for it. I also know that these are only offered every other year so no dropping out of either of them if I want to get done with my coursework anytime soon.
I think I will do a separate post for work and personal things that have happened in the last couple of months. This post is already getting to be too long for a blog anyway.
Wednesday, February 20, 2013
Of Mice and Army Men
Here it is Wednesday and I am hoping it is Friday. Not the most auspicious of beginnings I know. Trying to get back to what this thing was created for - an outlet so I can vent, talk about my day, talk about my concerns or even just talk about something I have been thinking of and not get judged or drive my wife crazy having to listen to.
My entire lab (well O.K. most of my entire lab) went up to Huntsville today. Dr. Soni had arranged a tour of the offices of the Army's game design group. He had originally joked that he did not want us going because he was afraid we would all want to take jobs there and no one would be left at the E.T. Lab. I guess he decided that was not a threat because there we were, playing on the Army's toys. They have a set up that is very similar to what we were shooting for at the Lab - they are basically in a really big warehouse, lots of storage room for bigger set pieces and still plenty of room for labs, office space, and storage. They use the Unreal game engine instead of Unity but really it is not so different from what we do. Really makes you envious of a place that can afford the kind of space we just dream of.
The day wasn't all giggles though. I have a homework assignment due tomorrow afternoon for Dr. Johnstone and I have barely scratched the surface of it. He gave us copies of four really large programs written in C++ and wants us to modify them so they do a couple of extra functions. It would be so much easier if he had built up to this slowly, but instead he threw us straight to the wolves. He seems like a very intelligent guy and I like him, but sometimes I wonder about his teaching ability. He gave out a practice quiz last week - I bombed - and since the majority of the class did poorly on it, his solution was to teach something related to what we were doing, but even harder. He basically thought if we could figure out THIS, then the stuff we were doing would seem easy. I don't get it.
Anyway the only good news about the homework is that I am not the only one struggling with it. I know at least one other guy in the class has not been able to get any farther than I have so I am not alone in my misery.
My entire lab (well O.K. most of my entire lab) went up to Huntsville today. Dr. Soni had arranged a tour of the offices of the Army's game design group. He had originally joked that he did not want us going because he was afraid we would all want to take jobs there and no one would be left at the E.T. Lab. I guess he decided that was not a threat because there we were, playing on the Army's toys. They have a set up that is very similar to what we were shooting for at the Lab - they are basically in a really big warehouse, lots of storage room for bigger set pieces and still plenty of room for labs, office space, and storage. They use the Unreal game engine instead of Unity but really it is not so different from what we do. Really makes you envious of a place that can afford the kind of space we just dream of.
The day wasn't all giggles though. I have a homework assignment due tomorrow afternoon for Dr. Johnstone and I have barely scratched the surface of it. He gave us copies of four really large programs written in C++ and wants us to modify them so they do a couple of extra functions. It would be so much easier if he had built up to this slowly, but instead he threw us straight to the wolves. He seems like a very intelligent guy and I like him, but sometimes I wonder about his teaching ability. He gave out a practice quiz last week - I bombed - and since the majority of the class did poorly on it, his solution was to teach something related to what we were doing, but even harder. He basically thought if we could figure out THIS, then the stuff we were doing would seem easy. I don't get it.
Anyway the only good news about the homework is that I am not the only one struggling with it. I know at least one other guy in the class has not been able to get any farther than I have so I am not alone in my misery.
Monday, February 18, 2013
What am I doing?
No excuses for not publishing more. I can't even claim to be sick this time - I can't even claim that nothing was happening. I just haven't had the desire to post. I have been ... melonc-oly (said in my best Megamind voice) for the past couple of weeks and just can't seem to shake it. I guess more than anything this is brought on by a sense of being overwhelmed. Bouts of depression are nothing new for me, I have had them before and I am sure I will have them again...and this isn't the first time I have wondered what I was doing but still having a hard time shaking it.
I tried talking to Paula about it. For as wonderful as she is on most things, this is just one thing she doesn't get. I tell her how upset/overwhelmed/worried...hell scared I am and she acts like I just told her we needed to stop at the store on the way home from work and get more milk. I get it, she thinks I can fight through anything, mainly because I have in the past, but it is not the attitude you want to see. So hopefully writing all this out will help me.
Part of the problem is the "computer magic" and "Super PhD's" on most television shows. I am sitting here working (and struggling) to grasp basic concepts I should know, and there is somebody hacking into DoD mainframes in under 2 minutes. Yeah, I know it is fake. I know hacking is time intensive and a lot more code-y than the wonderful pictures they show on TV...but you still feel bad when everyone assumes YOU can do that because you are getting your doctorate..and the truth of the matter is you would not even know where to START.
First thing I guess is I made a mistake. There is absolutely no way I should have taken both of the Computer Science courses at the same time. Dr. Sloan is actually o.k. .. hell he is downright enjoyable this semester. I am learning a lot and getting some good stuff out of the class. Dr. Johnstone is a great guy and I seem to understand his class...as long as he is talking. As soon as we leave class it transitions into some Greek/Latin/Chinese mush that I can not make heads or tails of. Once class starts back and he goes over the homework I am like "Oh....yeah that makes perfect sense" but try do to that myself? No I don't think so.
In addition to this, work decided to switch everything over to a game engine called Unity. Great system, sorta easy to learn, very powerful...and I am already behind. We started out making a game as a lab, but I was assigned the "manager" spot on the build, so I did not actually get to do any of the coding. Then, the rest of the lab went up to Boston for a long weekend of coding at a "Game Jam". I did not go for a variety of reasons, but it just put me further behind the proverbial 8-ball.
I guess the real thing I can take away from the last couple of weeks is that apparently, somewhere, I lost my coding ability. Coding used to be simple. Coding is really just taking a complex task and breaking it down into a lot of really easy tasks, then coding those easy tasks, combining them, and voila, you have solved the hard task. My problem lately has been, I have not seen how to break up those larger problems. And even when I can figure out a couple of the smaller tasks, I can't figure out what order to do them in so I get valid results.
I want to finish this program. I have put in a lot of time, effort, blood, sweat and tears on this thing and I want to get through...but I can't help but wonder if I am smart enough to.
I tried talking to Paula about it. For as wonderful as she is on most things, this is just one thing she doesn't get. I tell her how upset/overwhelmed/worried...hell scared I am and she acts like I just told her we needed to stop at the store on the way home from work and get more milk. I get it, she thinks I can fight through anything, mainly because I have in the past, but it is not the attitude you want to see. So hopefully writing all this out will help me.
Part of the problem is the "computer magic" and "Super PhD's" on most television shows. I am sitting here working (and struggling) to grasp basic concepts I should know, and there is somebody hacking into DoD mainframes in under 2 minutes. Yeah, I know it is fake. I know hacking is time intensive and a lot more code-y than the wonderful pictures they show on TV...but you still feel bad when everyone assumes YOU can do that because you are getting your doctorate..and the truth of the matter is you would not even know where to START.
First thing I guess is I made a mistake. There is absolutely no way I should have taken both of the Computer Science courses at the same time. Dr. Sloan is actually o.k. .. hell he is downright enjoyable this semester. I am learning a lot and getting some good stuff out of the class. Dr. Johnstone is a great guy and I seem to understand his class...as long as he is talking. As soon as we leave class it transitions into some Greek/Latin/Chinese mush that I can not make heads or tails of. Once class starts back and he goes over the homework I am like "Oh....yeah that makes perfect sense" but try do to that myself? No I don't think so.
In addition to this, work decided to switch everything over to a game engine called Unity. Great system, sorta easy to learn, very powerful...and I am already behind. We started out making a game as a lab, but I was assigned the "manager" spot on the build, so I did not actually get to do any of the coding. Then, the rest of the lab went up to Boston for a long weekend of coding at a "Game Jam". I did not go for a variety of reasons, but it just put me further behind the proverbial 8-ball.
I guess the real thing I can take away from the last couple of weeks is that apparently, somewhere, I lost my coding ability. Coding used to be simple. Coding is really just taking a complex task and breaking it down into a lot of really easy tasks, then coding those easy tasks, combining them, and voila, you have solved the hard task. My problem lately has been, I have not seen how to break up those larger problems. And even when I can figure out a couple of the smaller tasks, I can't figure out what order to do them in so I get valid results.
I want to finish this program. I have put in a lot of time, effort, blood, sweat and tears on this thing and I want to get through...but I can't help but wonder if I am smart enough to.
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